BREAKING: Oklahoma State Football Cancels their Season; Recruiting Skyrockets

 

The college football community is in mourning today as Mike Gundy has shed the party and closed the business. Recruiting for Oklahoma State Football could now be on the hot seat.

You might be wondering “how will the program survive this?” or “why would any 17/18 year old, top-tier male athlete willingly choose the Big12 football program in Stillwater, Oklahoma?

 

Simple answer:  statistics.

If we take the number of undergraduate students enrolled at Oklahoma State University in 2016, we’ll call this OSU(se) = 21,093 (per this article published on OSU’s website).

To be fair to easily offended people, let’s half this number in order to get total number of males and females.  So ∑(m) and ∑(f) are both set to OSU(se)/2 or 10,546.5; we’ll call it 10,547. (For the very few non-math experts out there, ∑ is commonly used for “sum of all” or “total”.)

After reading this article on College Dating Statistics via CampusExplorer, let’s say 59% of college undergraduates are in a relationship of some form…whether it is official or they have someone that will show them 3 dots after a “you up?” text.  With that information, we will take total number of undergraduate female students ∑(f) x 59% or 10,547 x 0.59 to get 6222.73, rounded up to 6223.  I think we can make a safe assumption that the number of individuals that have no interest in a relationship of any sort is close to the number of individuals willing to cheat; as a result, those figures would theoretically cancel each other out and we are still at ∑(f,NA)=6223.

Using all of these figures and estimates, we can ascertain:

OSU(se)/2 = ∑(f) 

∑(f) x 59% = ∑(f,NA)

∑(f) – ∑(f,NA) = 4,324 

4,324 is the total number of single, female undergrads at OSU – or – what can be identified as the total number of single, female undergrads at OSU that are no longer hypnotized by the single-greatest haircut to grace their campus and these women just realized other eligible bachelor’s exist in Stillwater, Oklahoma.

Recruiting for 2019 at OSU is a lock for #1 overall.  If you don’t think that athletes consider the female “situation” during their selection process – you’re wrong.

 

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